3 Ways to Move From Lazy Love to Faithful Love in your Marriage
Do you ever feel like your spouse loves you, but it's a lazy love? Only showing love when his own love tank is full? Or he only does the bare minimum--just enough to keep things going, but you feel like you're mostly running the show solo? It's highly frustrating and feels unfair doesn't it?
But before we gather up his things and send him off to couch-ville, I want us to really check in. Here are 3 ways we can move from Lazy Love to Faithful Love in our marriage.
#1 Are we loving our spouse without judgement?
It is totally in our nature to point the finger at someone else's flaws before we look at how we can grow ourselves.
Matthew 7: 3-5 says, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Pray that God removes performance-based love from your heart. That you don’t love your spouse based on his performance and that your love for him is consistent. Whether he unloaded the dishwasher or not, give him grace over criticism.
#2 Are we really loving our spouse with everything we have? Sacrificially loving?
Think of a time when a crisis hit. Maybe it was a hurricane. Maybe it was a sick child. Maybe it was a friend who experienced a loss. We kick into overdrive, regardless of what might be going on in our own lives, because loving that person in need is all that matters. What if we loved our spouse this way regularly? What if we just loved?
But how do we "just love?"
Tether yourself to the vine of Jesus. John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
When we attach ourselves to God, then and only then, are we whole and overflowing enough to love our spouse with a faith-FULL love.
I know it's complicated and it's hard to be kind or emotionally connected to someone who doesn't return that kind of love to you. But friends, we are not called to love our spouse in a "keeping score" or "lazy love" kind of way. We are called to be FAITHFUL to our spouse through our FAITH in Jesus Christ.
The truth is, behind whatever behavior you're not happy with right now, he still loves you so deeply. Pray that God softens his heart, opens communication, and allows you to pursue each other with the ferocious and passionate love you had when your love was new. Which leads me to the third way to move from a lazy love to a faithful love...
#3 Pursue each other's hearts.
This should be your goal every.single.day. Ask yourself, "Did I pursue my spouse's heart today? Did I seek to understand his wants, needs, and desires? Did I love him in a way that was glorifying to God, loving and honoring him?"
Being deeply committed to our spouse is an incredible thing, but don’t lose the beauty of pursuit. There’s magic and romance in pursuit.
I am deeply sorry if this is a pain point in your marriage; if your spouse is loving you with a lazy love; or you feel like he is not all in. I am praying for your marriage. I am also praying that you choose to continue to show up with a deep love, stay faithful to your vows, and seek resources or help to better understand one another.
Because I promise you, that man (or woman) who you think is loving you lazily may just be a broken soul who has a broken heart, and needs support until he finds his way. Maybe he is dealing with frustration on the job, grieving the loss of a friend, or challenged by a child and what appears as lazy love is actually a need for your support and an opportunity for you to fill in the puzzle piece that is missing.
So I challenge you to get rid of distractions, seek to understand the heart of your spouse, and have so much fun in the process. Life is ever changing and so are we; make sure that you are changing and growing together.
I pray you invite God into your marriage, creating a bond that is so strong, that your marriage with God at the center becomes a place of refuge and comfort; a place of peace and joy. -Amen
What are 2 ways you will love faithfully and fully today?